making cat noises will not fix the situation.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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