So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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