I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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