My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
