if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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