worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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