cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
