I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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