and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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