A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
