i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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