She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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