Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
