i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
