the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
