I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
