Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
