Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
