I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize