What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
