There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I've blown a few things in my day
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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