My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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