Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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