Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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