the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
two words: eviction party
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I have aggressive nipples.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
