so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
