I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
sarcasm needs its own font
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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