I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
