Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
