This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
