We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
