I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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