I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
