So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
