yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize