Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
