Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize