hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
