Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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