Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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