I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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