apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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