Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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