I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i black out too much to be "responsible"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
