im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
