Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
