it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I woke up under a house in Key West
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
