Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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