I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
