i was born a porn star she said
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
