I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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