Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
