I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
