I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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