Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
