I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
