they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
