He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
