Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
