you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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