The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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