either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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