3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
