but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
