I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
