Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
