trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize